Published in the San Diego Union-Tribune, June 15, 2025
by Barbara Bry
Alex Kwoka and Bob Semmer met in the U.S. Attorney’s Office in Chicago in 1975 when she was assigned to do the “grunt work” on Bob’s explosive case. A Chicago police officer and accomplices had threatened to blow up taverns if owners didn’t pay protection money. When I interviewed them, the couple proudly show me dynamite sticks that were evidence in their first collaboration. There were fireworks, and they got married in 1977.
But the USAO system had rules about married couples, and Alex had to leave the office. She joined a Department of Justice federal strike force on organized crime where her days were like a legal thriller: placing the first gay couple into witness protection, supervising 200 simultaneous raids on illegal betting operations, and prosecuting an antique burglary ring that stole Tiffany pieces to order.
“I had witnesses who sometimes ended up on meat hooks,” Alex recalls somberly. “It was very mentally and emotionally trying.”
Almost 50 years later, they have traded those tension-filled workdays for community work. In retirement, Alex and Bob have found that the most satisfying cases aren’t the ones you win in court — they’re the ones where everyone benefits, no appeals necessary.
The couple moved to San Diego in 1980. Bob stayed with the U.S. Attorney’s Office before going into private practice as a criminal defense attorney. Alex established her own practice focusing on complex litigation and later family law. They raised five children and now have seven grandchildren with whom they spend a great deal of time.
Bob, 80, retired in 2012 because “my work took an emotional and physical toll. You’re working 24/7. I had a great 25 years with my two partners.” Alex, 74, joined him a few years later because she wanted to spend more time with Bob and on volunteer activities. Today, their clients are their community, and their payment comes in the form of purpose rather than billable hours.
Both are members of the Rotary Club of Downtown San Diego, and in 2024, they were named Club Members of the Year in recognition of their extensive volunteer activities.
“Rotary saved me. It gave my life new meaning,” Bob says. “It taught me that helping others is truly a life-altering experience.”
As co-chair of the club’s Community Service Committee, Bob focuses particularly on addressing homelessness, spearheading a project that provides “welcome home baskets” for people transitioning from homelessness into housing. These baskets contain 30 to 35 household essentials. Alex jokes that before taking on this commitment, Bob had rarely shopped at a grocery store.
In addition to Rotary, Alex became involved with the Coastal Community Foundation reviewing grant proposals. After volunteering through Girl Scouts at Euclid Elementary, she and two retired friends joined the City Heights Outreach Girl Scouts troop, which continued through COVID until the young women graduated from Hoover High in 2022. She also wrote a children’s book, “Drako the Dragon,” about the themes of courage and kindness. Together, they’ve quietly sponsored Christmas parties for foster youth through New Alternatives for 25 years.
“My parents were immigrants. My father was an anesthesiologist who would raise money every three years to work as a medical missionary in New Guinea and the Solomon Islands. My mother was a country doctor,” Alex says, explaining that the purple highlights in her hair represent her philosophy: “fiscally conservative but socially progressive.”
Both have overcome significant health obstacles with the same tenacity they once applied to difficult legal cases. Bob underwent experimental cancer treatment shortly after retiring, Alex had brain surgery in 2022 to address a cyst that had caused brain swelling.
Staying healthy is a priority, so they walk five miles daily. “We giggle, we laugh, we occasionally argue, but we have fun together,” Bob said. When asked what gives him the most joy in retirement, his answer is simple: his 47-year marriage to Alex.
“I have so much to celebrate,” Alex says with gratitude. “Everybody in retirement has to decide what’s important. We were both so lucky growing up. We had loving parents who helped with our education, and we were able to put our five kids through college and graduate school.”
Retirement can be a challenge in many ways, not just economic. The saying is, “I married you for better or worse, but not for lunch.” Alex and Bob usually eat three meals a day together, and they have learned to arbitrate the small conflicts of coexistence. The greatest gift they have given each other is their mutual love and respect.
Thank you to the readers who have emailed me with your suggestions. I love hearing your stories. You can email me at [email protected].