Published in the San Diego Union-Tribune, October 31, 2022
by Neil Senturia
Recently, I arrived early to give a talk at the University of San Diego, and I wandered into a networking event for the Knauss Business School. I see more than 200 young men and women working the room, trying to decide what they are going to do with the rest of their lives — or in the alternative, where they are going to get their first job.
There were recruiters from large, national companies looking to meet this cohort. I bump into a young man from one of the big five consulting companies. We chat — it turns out that he might have a potential fit for one of my companies — I ask him for his business card, and he says he doesn’t have one. Hey, dude, this is a networking event. I give him mine.
Rule No. 2 in my book, “I’m There For You Baby,” says “Networking is a profession. Become a professional at it.” This is baseline stuff. LinkedIn, shminkedIn, Facebooked, Instagrammed, TikTokked, airdropped — come on, even the cavepersons had a business rock.
Which leads me to the next step, learning how to start and maintain a conversation. For that I turn to Allison Wood Brooks, assistant professor at Harvard, who has published a paper, “It Doesn’t Hurt to Ask.”
She says that people who ask questions, particularly follow-up questions, “may become better managers, land better jobs, and even win second dates.” The idea of the follow-up question is powerful because it indicates that you are engaged, that you are listening, that you care (or you are faking well that you care), and more importantly, it clarifies what is being said.
I get pitched deals all the time. After I listen, my model is to try to say back to the presenter, “let me make sure I understand. I think what you said is …” And it gives me a chance to ask the follow-up question to expand the conversation.
Brooks analyzed 368 sample transcripts with six different types of questions, and 44 percent of the time, the questions were follow-ups. It is the most effective default option when trying to engage.
But you can’t just lob it back to the other person without thought, like your 4-year-old who asks why the sky is blue, and then, why and why again.
Stanford did a study on speed-dating, and the results showed that “if a participant were to ask just one more question, he or she would succeed in getting a yes, I want to see you again.” I am not going to touch the third rail of consent, but asking questions appears to lead to a higher likelihood of a positive outcome.
Good managers ask follow-up questions, and when they don’t — the unfortunate reason is because they don’t give a damn what you have to say. You demonstrate disinterest when you just wave your arms and disconnect from the conversation. You need to return serve in order to stay in the game.
There is a deeper, nuanced skill set for CEOs to explore, namely specifically asking questions that you already know the answer to. In this instance, you are looking for how the return answer is crafted and delivered. You are looking for the level of emotional quotient. You are not asking a math problem, rather you are trying to gauge conversational comfort.
When I try to hire a vice president of business development, I am looking for a bunch of skills, one of which is the ability to converse and create comfort with the potential client. It is a rapport problem, not a price-per-seat software problem.
Most importantly in any conversation, you need to give back — you need to offer answers, even to questions not asked directly. It is a game of give and take (that might make a good song title.) Brooks says you can train yourself to ask “leading questions,” which make it easier to follow up.
If you ask the right question, magic happens. I once rode up on a ski lift with a fellow and by the time we got to the top, he had agreed to invest $200,000 into my first startup. It was sold for a large profit, and he was delighted.
Two follow-ups, and I headed for the black diamonds.
Rule No. 736
You don’t say. Tell me more.